so...Silas was in my arms on the way into (I admit) VONS, in the sling, and I thought, "he's old enough to try out the cart." So, I put him in and he proceeded to scream his brains out in the lot and then through the front door and all through produce. At first I felt unphased because, well, that happens and has happened to me time and again. So, I finally picked him up, now hysterical, bright red with snot pouring down his face. I put him in the sling, dropped his hat, bent over to pick the hat up and he grabbed onto some edge of something that literally tipped over the apple cart. OMFG. (I am not sure if that means what I think it means but I hope it's a swear word and takes the lords name in vain.)
Now Silas is obviously a mess and I am starting to sweat and get stressed and agitated and frustrated and unable to calmly deal...in otherwords, all my cocky mommy confidence just left the building...
...so now I have nice grandmotherly types coming out of the bakery to help ...not to pick up the zillion apples that fell but to help poor pitiful me who obviously knows nothing about anything, by telling me that Silas should be in the cart and he's too old for this and that...how they never brought babies to the store (basically how all my decisions were WRONG!) And then the final blow, by me of course..."Go AWAY !! I am FINE!!!" (Yes, I really said that...and in a very snotty and uncalled for immature voice, too...)
...at that moment, or rather looking back on that moment, I see how many times I have waltzed in to give advice or help like some know it all savior and all I should have done was picked up the frickin' apples.
...so for all of you out there who have been victim to my sage wisdom (and you know who you are!) I am SORRY!
...because I don't know squat.
15 comments:
Oh Annie! Let me help you with those apples!
Though I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of receiving any of your sage wisdom, this just shows how qualified you really are to be dispensing it. You are the Kungfu Mama precisely because you can declare that you don't know shit; you are a valid source of sagely advice because you don't dictate from on high--you're right down here with the rest of us, as demonstrated by your story. Call it fake if you want, I call it pulling it off and making it look good!
And yes, OMFG means exactly what you needed it to mean!
I hope you didn't make the Von's bakery ladies mess up their garlic bread, if they had it in the oven. My mouth waters just thinking about it. And if it gets a bit stale, toast and spread with cream cheese.
Oh, by the way, you are an awesome mom! Just think of this wonderful story that you will be telling for years to come...
Ellen M.
Let me get my breath...you are so funny. Now don't let your pride usurp your this humility, go back to Vons and buy some of that awesome garlic bread.
love, bebe
PS-you know you are the top mom cat
It's amazing the things that come out of our mouths in high-stress situations... Don't be too hard on yourself - I'm still calling daily for my advice...
may i be a testament to how many times your "sage wisdom" came in real effin handy?! yeah... nuff said.
OH MY GOD I am almost peeing my pants.
Great post. The only thing you should have done is sit down on the floor in the middle of the produce section, pulled out your boob and started to nurse.
All of you, I love you!!! And Lauren, you are so right. Next time, out come the titties...
but of course the day continued in this manner with Silas pulling out a hank of a stangers hair... and then grabbing a piece of an OLEANDER and sucking on it in my arms until I realized and freaked out...all of this in public of course!
Today, not so good. (Thankyou Lydia for being my sanity in the middle of all of it!!)
annie
Annie...You have just told a story of exactly how Human you are !!! Thankyou for that !!
We all have numerous stories's of Momma Horror in our pasts.. No matter what you say, I think you are one of the smartest, wisest woman/momma's I have come to know....dirty feet and all (ha, ha). I will take some of your Sage wisdom any time...!!! The old lady's...unfortunately their memories suck...cause they don't know what they are talkin' about...and thank goodness our generation will not be saying those things we we are old bitty's, because we have Blogs to remember all the real stuff.. And yes, please, next time whip out the boobs !!! Then they would pick up those apples...
P.S. Remind me to tell you my down to earth story !!
P.P.S. Have you ever read this book....The Big Rumpus? If not, you should check it out...it would be so appropriate for you at this point in your Mama experience...It was such a joy for me when Blake was Silas's age....I still pick it up...
www.ayunhalliday.com/rumpus/
Do not worry...If you feel guilty, brush it away. After all, this story will come a funny one in a couple of years!
Every child is different, so are the experiences we have with them.
You are a great mom.
I agree with everyone..and also...you never give out advice about the big stuff unless you're asked..you're actually really good about that..and of course you are a great momma!!!
I love you right now. No, not because you have ever given me sage advice, but because I feel like such a cranky loser mom most of the time, and reading your description of your moment made me realize nobody's perfect! Because Annie I kind of think of you as the perfect mom, so maybe I'm not as crappy a mom as I think I am if you also have your 'moments'. Ha ha, that's so funny that you said "I'M FINE". I would have loved to see those 'helpful' advicey ladies' faces... Reminds me of the time Steve's mom just told him 'privately' that she was afraid Gracie's spine was going to curve because she was in her swing 'all the time'. ARUGHGHGHG! Sian
Yeah, the last Anaheim score was a rip off, Go Senators!
Laughing out loud as I read through your experience...it is so true that we've all been there! Keep up the great mamma work & keep tellin those "ladies" to go away...(or whip out the boo)
We were happy to have you guys over! Silas and Ry need more playdates anyway...esp for our own "mamma sanity"!
This was the G in OMFG punishing you for going to Vons.
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